Most children spend a good chunk of childhood wanting to be older than they are. They want the handbag, the keys, the phone, the nice drink in the proper glass, the seat at the table where the adults are talking. A pamper party is really just another version of that.
They get to put on the dressing gown, soak their feet, wrap a towel around their head and feel very grown up for an afternoon. It is role play, really. Children copy what they see around them, whether that comes from friends, older siblings, online content or simply the general culture they are growing up in. Spa days, skincare routines and pampering have become part of that world, so of course some children want to have a go themselves.
The bit I think we need to pay attention to is what we are actually giving them to role play with. There is nothing wrong with a child wanting the whole spa experience and feeling very grown up for an afternoon - that is the fun of it! But the question is whether that has to come with adult skincare, adult beauty language and the idea that there is something about their skin they ought to be improving and introducing chemicals you'd rather they didn't have just yet.
The grown-up feeling is the whole point
If you strip the beauty products out of it, most children would probably still be perfectly happy.
They want the bowls, the warm water, the towels, the cucumber slices, the music and the chance to take turns doing something for each other. They want to make little mixtures, decide who is having which treatment and act as though they are running an extremely exclusive spa from the kitchen table.
That is where the enjoyment is.
Children are very good at taking something ordinary and making it feel like a whole event. A bowl of warm water suddenly becomes a foot spa. A wooden spoon becomes professional equipment. A few petals floating on top make the whole thing look far more impressive than it has any right to.
They fill in the rest with imagination, which is why the play itself does not need to be complicated.
They do not need adult skincare to make it feel real.
This is the bit that can easily get muddled.
A child can have a completely convincing pamper day without using products created for adult skin concerns. They do not need anti-ageing creams, acids, brightening serums or anything promising to refine pores, smooth fine lines or improve skin texture.
Most younger children are not asking for those things because they have concerns about their skin. They are asking because they want the experience they have seen presented as grown up, fun and a bit special.
There is quite a big difference between those two things.
This is where botanicals work so well.
Natural materials work brilliantly for this kind of role play because there is something for children to actually do with them.
They can scoop oats, smell herbs, rub leaves between their fingers, compare flowers, mix things in bowls and choose what they want to use. Rose petals look lovely floating in water, calendula has that bright orange colour children always notice, lavender is familiar to lots of them and lemon balm tends to get a reaction because it smells much stronger than they expect.
That all gives them something to explore without needing to turn the activity into a skincare lesson.
They might ask what something is. They might want to know where it grows or why people use it. They might decide chamomile smells completely different to what you think it smells like. That is enough.
You do not need to stop the party halfway through and deliver a lecture on botanical history. Nobody wants an exam on calendula before the cake comes out.
Feeling grown up does not have to mean finding things to fix.
This is probably the part I care about most.
I do not want to take the grown-up feeling away from children because that is part of the fun of being one. We all wanted to copy adults when we were younger, usually without having the faintest idea what being an adult actually involved!
I just do not think the grown-up feeling needs to come with being taught to look at their face and find problems.
A pamper party can still be about being looked after. It can be warm water on tired feet, soft towels, someone brushing your hair, sitting still for a few minutes, smelling something lovely or spending an afternoon making things with your friends.
That is still self-care.
It just starts from how something feels rather than what somebody looks like afterwards.
What about nail polish and face masks?
I would not make this more dramatic than it needs to be.
If your child wants sparkly nails and you are happy with that, let them have sparkly nails. Sometimes children just like colour. Sometimes they want cucumber on their eyes because it looks funny. Sometimes they want to copy a friend who had a pamper party last month.
None of that automatically means they are worrying about their appearance.
The language around it is what matters more to me.
Once we start talking about making children's skin brighter, smoother, clearer, younger or somehow better, we are introducing a problem they may never have considered before.
There is plenty of time for the beauty industry to do that later, much to my dismay.
You can still make it feel special
Pamper parties have become quite elaborate, which can make parents feel as though they need to transform the house into a luxury spa before anyone arrives.
You really do not!
A few bowls, some towels, cushions, sliced cucumber, botanicals to mix and a bit of music can be enough.
If you want matching robes and a full setup, lovely. If you do not, children are quite capable of filling in the gaps themselves.
That is one of the reasons I prefer this kind of play to anything too structured. Give them enough to get started and they usually take it somewhere you had not planned anyway.
Quite often that ends up being the best bit.
This is why I created Little Wild Spa
When I created the Little Wild Spa, I wanted children to get the whole spa experience, but with a bit more meaning behind it.
They still get the bowls, the mixing, the botanicals and the feeling that they are doing something properly grown up, but they also get to learn what the different herbs are, how they have traditionally been used and what they can bring to a simple skincare or wellbeing ritual.
So instead of just scooping things into a bowl because they look pretty, they start to understand why they might reach for oats, calendula, chamomile, lemon balm, lavender or rose.
The idea is that over time they begin to make choices for themselves. Maybe they want something that feels comforting on the skin. Maybe they want something they associate with winding down. Maybe they simply love the smell of one herb more than another and that is the part I really like. 💕
They are still role playing at being grown up, but they are also learning to notice how they feel and to choose what fits that moment.
Little Wild Spa takes the pretend spa one step further. It gives children a way to learn about the plants, what they are used for and how to put together their own little rituals based on what they need that day.
That feels much more useful to me than handing them a row of adult products and telling them which order to use them in.
If your child has asked for a pamper party and you want something that keeps the fun of the spa while bringing in plants, sensory play and a bit of real learning, you can have a look at Little Wild Spa here.
If you are still working out what everyone is actually going to do once they arrive, read Kids Pamper Party Ideas: How to Create a Spa Party at Home next.
